Right so im walking home and I see this guy rolling a cigarette under a streetlamp and when he clicked his lighter THE FUCKING STREETLIGHT WENT OUT
I stopped in my tracks and stared at this guy who looks up at me then to his lighter and hes as surprised as me then he takes his thumb off the trigger and THE STREETLIGHT TURNS BACK ON
HE GAVE THE MOST SURPRISED LOOK OF ANYONE EVER AND THEN SHOUTED “LATER MUGGLES” AND FUCKING RAN OFF
AM I DREAMING
if i were a murderer i’d be the febreze murderer and lead my victims blindfolded to undisclosed locations and i’d ask them what they smelled and they’d be like “omg ocean air and tulips” and then i’d rip off the blindfold and it would be A PILE OF THE BODIES OF MY PREVIOUS VICTIMS
my mom made me go to a therapist because of this
oh so you’re into boys who don’t play by the rules huh? * bites into string cheese stick without peeling* mmm taste the rebellion
When I die, I want to be buried with sunglasses on and my hands behind my head. So when I deteriorate, I’ll be the chillest skeleton in the graveyard.